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Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Vagina Gel and Ass Cream...

Because that just happened. For some unknown reason we, as woman, are subjected to some of the most ridiculous and painful and EMBARRASSING disorders, diseases and infections and it just seems a trifle unfair. Why do we have to be the keepers of such a delicate, sensitive piece of equipment that is also responsible for the continuation of our species? Because, OBVIOUSLY! I have seen what men and their big man hands can do to small, precious things. They generally fuck it all up. And funny thing... MOST PROBLEMS WE WOMEN HAVE ARE MALE-INDUCED! Coincidence? I think not!!! This all came about thanks to my Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad, Day.  It started out with the Wii "Oh"-ing in disbelief as I stepped on it and then proceeding to tell me I am obese. AWESOME. So I hula-hooped, and I boxed, and I stepped my little heart out all while feeling an increasing pressure in my right shoulder. MUSCLE.SPASM. So after barely being able to move my arm for most of the day I get diarrhea. NO SHIT. HA! Possibly from the MSG I consumed yesterday. See I am not supposed to have it cause it makes me swell up and gives me migraines. So we ate at a Chinese/Japanese/Vietnamese buffet...I know. Don't you judge me! So I am swollen in the hands and feet, am obese, have diarrhea, and NOW hemorrhoids. From all the pooping ya know. To top it off... my special purpose is not herself. There is NOTHING quite like a trip to the drugstore, where they lock up the baby formula and vagina gel (WHERE the HELL am I living?!?). Having to ask a kid with no pubes for the key to the Vagina Gel tops my list of shit that should NEVER happen. EVER. Also...two words that should never go together... VAGINAL and SUPPOSITORY. Just sayin'.
~namaste~
Jen

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