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Monday, December 13, 2010

What in the HOT HOLY HELL?!?!?

What is it with kids? They KNOW they are not allowed in OUR room without permission. Not because there are weird and freaky things in there... (crickets chirping...) but because it's about RESPECT. Sing it with me... R-E-S-P-E-C-T... and I'm back... so needless to say TWO rules were broken. NUMBER ONE- Do NOT go in our room without permission or on direct orders to retrieve something for myself or the hubster. NUMBER TWO- Do NOT touch the Super Glue or Super Glue Gel or Gorilla Glue or any other adhesive that will require special remover or a trip to the Emergency Room of our local hospital! Don't ask why that shit was in our room. It just was y'all. Doesn't everyone keep the crazy glue in their room? No? Just me then. ANYWAY...the little vagisite comes out of his room in a panic. He has Super GLue GEL (cause that shit is better than the regular stuff right?) ALL over his fingers. WHAT THE AY-EFF?!! So I ask how it came to be that his fingers are crusted over in the now completely hardenend gel. He says his older brother was fixing his fighter plane and it got all over the desk anbd he was afraid they would get in trouble and are his fingers going to melt off cause they are covered in super glue GEL? All in one sentence. Now here is where it gets murky and possibly crosses a line. The oldest is already in the bathroom scrubbing his hands after he has quickly spirited the GEL back into our room. He knows it's coming...DAD. He naturally gets sent to bed with warning of..."What if he had glued his hand to his face?" (I had to leave the room cause I IMMEDIATELY saw that image and am screwed up like that!) "What if he had gotten it in his mouth?" Where does he get this stuff???? It's GOLDEN!! No argument...go to bed, directly to bed. Do NOT pass the cookies. So now the little guy is REALLY panicking...Mom, can I get sick from super glue GEL? (MURKIER water ahead and possibly REALLY bad parenting)
Me- Maybe. How much did you get on you? Him- this alot? Me- Well, it kinda looks like it. Him (lip quivering)- Can I die from getting sick cause it's kinda alot? Me- You could. But... Him- WAAAAAHHHHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! (that is NOT laughing y'all he is SCREAMING) Me- Stop crying you are not gonna die. Him- I'm not? Me- No, but don't pick at it cause the skin COULD come off. And don't put it in your mouth cause it's CHEMICALS. Him- WAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! Me- You could have glued your hand or face to the desk and then you'd be known FOREVER as that kid that glued his hand/face to his desk.We'd have to leave town. Him- You're not going to tell anyone that I did this are you? Me- Of course I am sweetie. Now go to bed.
Now he will be afraid to touch any adhesive until he is 35! AWESOME parenting if you ask me!

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