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Thursday, December 16, 2010

My heart's a dead tomato splotched with moldy, purple spots...

For all the talk and the schmaltz, I am just NOT feeling it this year. I write about the joy in the simple things and I really do mean it, but for some reason, this year, I just can't find MY Christmas. I smile when I fill the glass tree with the Hershey kisses, I tear up when the little guy freaks out over Santa, lights, trees, and ribbons. This year I just feel very "seasick crocodile". I have spent 13+ years trying to get the hubs to understand why this time of year is such a huge deal to me and he tried some years to fake it and some years he just didn't care and some years he really did mean it. He basically Grinched me most of the time. I guess I just got tired of playing and singing Fah who for-aze! Dah who dor-aze! Welcome Christmas, Come this way! This year he is even PURPOSELY listening to the Christmas station all on his own to and from work and me? WMMR- that's the rock station here. I re-did my iPod with GIGS of Christmas music...it sits there gathering dust. I am not into making cookies or candy or sending out cards...even though I did and am. I just feel tired. And disenchanted. Apathetic? Whatever. I put out the houses...they are still not connected to electricity. Nothing is wrapped. It's all in boxes in the attic. I am thankful for everything and everyone in my life. I think i am just SICK to DEATH of the crap. The bigger, better, faster, NOW mentality. I am tired of the shit on t.v. telling us we NEED this or my fave...AUDI trying to tell me that by buying a brand new car from them I am actually SAVING money! WHAT THE AY-EFF?! I love to give presents and I love getting them, but I am tired of CRAP. I would rather get one thing that means something than 5 things that I will put on a shelf and forget or end up tossing out because it broke. I would rather GIVE 1 thing that means something than waste precious money on shit. We SEVERELY scaled back this year because really? What sense is in going into debt to buy a bunch of crap that will break or be forgotten in a drawer/toybox in a month or so? NONE. The boys know this is happening and are so cool with it, it's crazy! They wrote a list with 3-5 things each. And it was crazy stuff like an am/fm alarm clock with 6 soothing sounds, new clothes, a Bookworm booklight! WHAT?!?! They are not going to the store and pointing at every mindless thing and squealing that they want it, NEED IT! I am thankful for that. Really I am. But this year...I almost want to skip it altogether.

2 comments:

  1. I feel the same way. I took the year off. I didn't send any cards. I got yours today. Thanks.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have six words for you:

    "Did you heard what I heard?"

    I love you. Fuck the Grinch. Merry Christmas Beotch. Muah!

    ReplyDelete