Here I am bitching about the absolute rivers of bullshit in my life and there are so many out there the are literally swimming upstream in it. I have two healthy children. One has "issues" but I am REALLY beginning to think that all "medical diagnoses" were just more turds to the flow. I know in my little mommy's heart that most of his "issues" are really my fault. DON'T tell me otherwise. You don't know the story. I was a grade A, shitty mother for the better part of his little life. There were other factors at work but the basis is I failed him. I am working OVERTIME to repair the damage. I pray every single day for the grace of God to help me fix him. He is so beautiful. And I love him so much that I hate myself. Really. I see myself in him and it scares the shit out of me. Thankfully my little one came when he did. I still regularly screw things up but I am NOT who I used to be. I am lucky enough to have been given a second chance at this. I am trying not to screw it up more than would be considered normal. I am thankful that I have two beautiful boys that are RIDONKULOUSLY funny. I am trying to be the mother they deserve. God give me grace!