Do NOT read any farther if you have any idea, whatsoever, of getting offended.
This is my space. For me to rant. To praise. To whine. Whatever.
Do NOT send me bitchy emails or messages about what you read here.
You don't have to like it and you don't have to read it either!

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Sometimes I make my own self sick.

Here I am bitching about the absolute rivers of bullshit in my life and there are so many out there the are literally swimming upstream in it. I have two healthy children. One has "issues" but I am REALLY beginning to think that all "medical diagnoses" were just more turds to the flow. I know in my little mommy's heart that most of his "issues" are really my fault. DON'T tell me otherwise. You don't know the story. I was a grade A, shitty mother for the better part of his little life. There were other factors at work but the basis is I failed him. I am working OVERTIME to repair the damage. I pray every single day for the grace of God to help me fix him. He is so beautiful. And I love him so much that I hate myself. Really. I see myself in him and it scares the shit out of me. Thankfully my little one came when he did. I still regularly screw things up but I am NOT who I used to be. I am lucky enough to have been given a second chance at this. I am trying not to screw it up more than would be considered normal. I am thankful that I have two beautiful boys that are RIDONKULOUSLY funny. I am trying to be the mother they deserve. God give me grace!

1 comment:

  1. You are doing the best you can do NOW & that is what matters. We've all made mistakes, love. ALL OF US. No one is exempt from that statement. There are no perfect parents or spouses and those that try to tell you differently are lying to themselves and those around them. I'm proud of you for making it a priority in your life to be a better woman & mother. That makes all the difference. Keep your chin up and your babies will follow suite.
    Love you my dear old friend.