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Saturday, October 23, 2010

I may have to kill my husband...or divorce him.

There has got to be some retribution here. I mean...I don't have many rules about the way shit goes down in my house. Clean up after yourself is pretty much it. EXCEPT...and this one is the MOST important... the first adult up, MAKE.THE.COFFEE. I am lucky enough to have a man that lets me sleep in (until 8 cause that is, unfairly, as late as I can sleep anymore) on Saturdays, but really? EVERY.SINGLE.SATURDAY?  How is it possible to FORGET? He knows that when I get up Monday-Friday that is the first thing I do. No one gets fed until the coffee is brewing. No one gets talked to until the coffee is brewing. GET.OUT.OF.MY.WAY. until the coffee is brewing! It's not difficult. One tablespoon per cup of water. I like my shit strong. You can bitch it up if you need to but just follow my precise measurements and make the DAMN COFFEE!!!! He does this more often than not. This morning he walks in while I am peeing and am swaying, bleary eyed on the pot and tells me, "Oh, I forgot to make the coffee". WHAT THE AY-EFF DUDE?!?! I said, "Really? You ARE kidding right? How long have you been up?" him- "Since 7ish." me-"And you somehow 'FORGOT' to make the coffee?" So he gets in the shower cause he has to take the little on to a community cleanup his soccer team is working from 9-12. And he is pretty awesome for not even suggesting that I do it, but still...HE.FORGOT.TO.MAKE.THE.COFFEE...AGAIN!!!! So I walk into the kitchen thinking he is just kidding he really did make it...NOPE. So what do I do? I make the damn coffee. And then...I fill a big ass cup with icy cold water, walk calmly into the bathroom, reach over the shower wall while his is washing his face, and DUMP THAT SHIT ALL OVER HIM! He screams of course. And I am doubled over in tears cause that shit was funny. I tell him, "There, now we are even. Now I don't have to leave you." He, of course, didn't see the fairness of my vigilante justice.

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