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Friday, October 1, 2010

The cupcake is TOTALLY his fault!

Today started off with me nearly killing my husband. Seriously. No shit. KILLING.HIM. Why, you may ask, would I feel the need to commit such a heinous deed? WHY?!!!??? Because for some completely ridiculoius reason he sets his alarm for 4 A.M. and then proceeds to hit snooze until 5 A.M. ONE .HOUR. OF. THAT. ANNOYING. FUCKING. BEEPING. EVERY. NINE. MINUTES. So naturally after kicking, poking, and almost biting him awake at various intervals he FINALLY gets out of bed! BAS.TARD. He then stumbles around the room in the dark looking for his shit. Did I mention that the 8 year old is also in bed with me? No? WELL. HE. IS. DAMN.IT. Now, he gets his shit and gets ready in the bathroom. I am struggling to fall back asleep cause my heart is pounding out of my chest from the exertion of NOT getting out of bed and beating him to death with the loofah in the shower. He tiptoes in (REALLY?!?!) and kisses me sweetly and says "honey, aren't you getting up? You said last night you wanted to get up and get on the treadmill." Thank GOD it was dark y'all. Cause the look I was giving would have killed him on the spot! So I said, "Uhhuh. Thanks sweetie. Have a great day. I love you. Be careful." I stretched  and sat up, the front door shut and my ass laid right back down and went back to sleep! Fast forward 20 minutes. Now my alarm is going off. Get up, get the coffee going, remember that there is no school today (THANK YOU NJ TEACHERS! GGGrrrrr!), scramble to get the little guy ready cause he has to go to work with me. Listen to him bitch about it for the next 30 minutes while I am trying to simultaneously drink me coffee, iron my clothes, and blowdry my hair. No easy feat. Out the door with instructions to the 11 year old to not kill himself, the cat, or burn anything down. Awesome. Love you see you later! Work is going great. UNTIL... the ASSHOLE drug rep. brings  in the drugs. You should all know my drug of choice by now... FUCKING CUPCAKES. GOURMET CUPCAKES. Like it matters to me. Cake is cake. But DAMN these are pretty! I had a pumpkin cupcake with creamcheese buttercream frosting. YES.I.DID. And you know what? It's all Scott's fault!

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