STOP!

Do NOT read any farther if you have any idea, whatsoever, of getting offended.
This is my space. For me to rant. To praise. To whine. Whatever.
Do NOT send me bitchy emails or messages about what you read here.
You don't have to like it and you don't have to read it either!







Sunday, February 20, 2011

MOVING DAY!!!

I am moving to a new site!!! http://mommyswhiskeyagogo.wordpress.com/
Follow me there!!!!

UN-f'ing-BELIEVEABLE!

Ever have one of those moments when you realize it is far better to bite your fucking tongue in half than to say something crude like, "Hey, why don't you shut your whore mouth and go finish playing with your Tammy Faye starter kit." or, "Hey, why don't you shut your whore mouth cause you're sucking the intelligence out of the dog." or, "Hey, why don't you shut your whore mouth and go try to spell some big words like OMFG,"?
I am really fed up with people, and I use that term loosely since to be a "person" you should probably have a conscience and a pulse and say...more intelligence than a fucking hamster, but I digress... I am really fed up with sheeple telling me in no uncertain terms that I am an idiot. I do not, and have NEVER claimed to be an expert on anything. BUT...I do know a thing or two about a thing or two. Like, how to spell REAL words. And since I was raised by a woman that ran our local animal shelter for the whole of my early years, I do know how to train and rehab a dog so it can function in society and a family home. I learned that you should establish EARLY who is Alpha. As in  PACK LEADER. If you are a dog and I am a human you are NOT Alpha. I am. There are various exercises to establish this. One being tug of war. With a bone, a toy, whatever. You should grasp  it firmly and pull hard and maybe even growl a little, but do NOT let them have it and in essence "win". Then they think they are Alpha and will piss on your rugs.
families are not unlike packs of dogs, or wolves. I am not ALPHA in my family, our Alpha died and since then the pack scattered and was broken. I am CERTAINLY not ALPHA in his family, nor do I EVER want to be, but I will be damned if some vapid little fake and bake is going to try to...ANYWAY. It all started over a dog and me playing tug of war with it. I am people. It was DOG. She is stupid.

Monday, January 31, 2011

WHAT THE AY-EFF?!?

Keep in mind that the following rant IS the voice of experience talking. We've been there, done that and got all of the emotional and financial scars to prove it.

I am finding myself more and more confused by the actions of so called "adults" that I know, read about, hear about, etc. I don't understand what is so friggin' hard to understand. There are OBVIOUS discrepancies in basic human functioning here. I mean, seriously? Can you do basic math? Like 2+2=4 and 10-5=5? Then you should be able to balance your f'ing checkbook and avoid the embarrassment of bouncing checks. I mean, if you have $400 in your account and write a check for $150 and mail it to the appropriate agency, you cannot then go spend $300 on other things before you either #1. Get more money into that account or #2. GET MORE MONEY INTO THAT ACCOUNT. You WILL bounce that check. Simple addition and subtraction folks. Not rocket science. If it takes a week, 2 weeks or 3 weeks or more for that check to clear, ya still need to factor that check in! DUH! Don't get mad cause you screwed up. it's not the banks fault, nor the agency owed that moneys' fault. It's yours ass-bag. Own it. Fix it. Move on.
ALSO, I find it mind-f'ing-boggling to hear people bitch and moan about being broke and having no money for food and utilities YET... they drive 2 vehicles that are pretty high end, or they have a COMPLETE cable TV package, or $500 cell phones with $300 plans just so they can go on The Internet ON THE PHONE, or a problem with Keeping Up With The Jones'. I am not talking about the folks that bust their rumps and can afford these things. I am talking about the people that CANNOT afford them and know it and STILL bitch that they have no money! We got rid of our data plans...that's $30+ a month ($360+ a yr) we didn't need to pay. We don't need to go on The Internet with our phones. We need to make phone calls with them. We also cut back on our eating out. And I figure spending $60-$80 a week or twice a month for ONE meal was crazy! If I am spending $200+ bi-weekly for groceries $80 seems a bit much. I am just SICK of hearing the bullshit excuses! Certain things are necessities like food and heat. Data plans and a video game console or two in every room...not so much. If you can pay for the important things like food, water, heat, and shelter... then you took care of the important stuff. IF you have $$ left over AFTER the bills are paid and ALL the checks have cleared....THEN you can go have some fun. A good friend of mine once said (Thanks E!) , and I am paraphrasing here, If you don't tell your money where to go it will leave you. DUH. Grow up. Own your mistakes. Quit trying to keep up with people who are more than likely in debt up to their friggin' eyebrows. Stop. Just stop. Take stock. Trim the fat. Trust me, it's easier this way.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Vagina Gel and Ass Cream...

Because that just happened. For some unknown reason we, as woman, are subjected to some of the most ridiculous and painful and EMBARRASSING disorders, diseases and infections and it just seems a trifle unfair. Why do we have to be the keepers of such a delicate, sensitive piece of equipment that is also responsible for the continuation of our species? Because, OBVIOUSLY! I have seen what men and their big man hands can do to small, precious things. They generally fuck it all up. And funny thing... MOST PROBLEMS WE WOMEN HAVE ARE MALE-INDUCED! Coincidence? I think not!!! This all came about thanks to my Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad, Day.  It started out with the Wii "Oh"-ing in disbelief as I stepped on it and then proceeding to tell me I am obese. AWESOME. So I hula-hooped, and I boxed, and I stepped my little heart out all while feeling an increasing pressure in my right shoulder. MUSCLE.SPASM. So after barely being able to move my arm for most of the day I get diarrhea. NO SHIT. HA! Possibly from the MSG I consumed yesterday. See I am not supposed to have it cause it makes me swell up and gives me migraines. So we ate at a Chinese/Japanese/Vietnamese buffet...I know. Don't you judge me! So I am swollen in the hands and feet, am obese, have diarrhea, and NOW hemorrhoids. From all the pooping ya know. To top it off... my special purpose is not herself. There is NOTHING quite like a trip to the drugstore, where they lock up the baby formula and vagina gel (WHERE the HELL am I living?!?). Having to ask a kid with no pubes for the key to the Vagina Gel tops my list of shit that should NEVER happen. EVER. Also...two words that should never go together... VAGINAL and SUPPOSITORY. Just sayin'.
~namaste~
Jen

Sunday, January 9, 2011

The things we carry...

I read a short story for English Comp. a few years back called, "The Things They Carried" by Tim O'Brien. It's about a platoon of American soldiers in Vietnam. It talked about the physical, emotional, and psychological burdens they all carried with them. It struck a chord with me then and still does. It gets me to thinking of the things we all carry. Each and every day. Tokens, trophies, scars. Of our battles and triumphs. Some of them are clearly visible as marks upon our bodies. From childbirth, surgeries, accidents, drunken falls that scraped elbows or knees.  Others, well, they are there to be sure. But they are the ones that no one else can see. Or feel. Our secret burdens. The things we carry on the inside. Hidden. Buried. Sometimes threatening to bubble up through the dark and murky waters of our hearts and thoughts to try and drag us under for awhile. Yet we plod on. One step at a time. One leaden foot in front of the other. Until hopefully, we find a place where we can lay those burdens down. Even if only for a brief moment. For a split second of rest before we must take them up again. Strap them on. Tie them down. Shove them back behind the wall. Before anyone sees.
~namaste~
Jen

Thursday, January 6, 2011

How The Jersey Shore is ruining life as we know it.

Isn't is obvious? I mean really? GTL? WTF?!?! Why are these vapid assholes getting paid to be vapid assholes? Why is this such a popular show? Someone want to pay me to stay at home and homeschool THE BOY who has a processing disorder that makes it REALLY difficult for him to get the directions the first or tenth time they are given? Nope...not even the great State of New Jersey. I don't qualify for unemployment. Because i left my job for personal reasons... yeah...like taking THE BOY out of public school because he was falling so far behind he was basically back in 1st grade. Because he was TERRIFIED of getting on the bus because of the kids telling him he is a faggot that fucks dead people. Because he was afraid to tell anyone this was happening because the kids were also in his class and would kill him if he told (they told him they would.). Because he was miserable and sad and getting to the point of SEVERE depression...at 11 yrs old. Because the school did NOTHING about it and broke every promise they made and I was tired of getting phone calls EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. So I left my job to educate my special needs son and I paid into the Unemployment Insurance EVERY paycheck but I am not eligible for the insurance I paid in to. BUT there are people working under the table AND collecting unemployment. And the ASSHOLES on The Jersey Shore are making tens of thousands just for showing up to places. It pisses me off that fake bakes, fake tits, too much hair product, and nasal voices are getting rich off of being total DOUCHES, but I, as a responsible mother who is lucky enough to have a husband that makes enough $ in his low paying GOVERNMENT job (19 yrs of service and he gets shit for pay) that enables me to stay home and educate and rebuild my son's self esteem, get NADA. So, up yours Jersey Shore Fucks. And The State of NEW JOY-ZEE. And the fungus screwing the system. Thanks for everything.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Clowns to the left of me...Jokers to the right...

Here I am...stuck to an ornament with glue. No lie...that happened last night. I keep telling the hubster that he really should not let me near anything that could be permanent but, you know men. Now I am a few layers short of skin on a finger or two but none the worse for it. Today I had the BRILLIANT idea to do a solar system model with THE BOY. Easy right? Make it a mobile so he can hang it in his room when he is done. HA! NOT easy! Sure I coulda bought the pre-fab kit where all he had to was stick the pre-molded and pre-painted balls of plastic to their matched little sticks, but come on...where is the fun in that? So I did buy a kit with the different sized balls of styrofoam and wooden dowels cause it was cheaper than buying bags of multisized balls that I won't need the leftovers of! Then we bought little tubs of tempera paint. And off we went to make this thing! Now I am a FAH-REAK when the kids have a project...I usually end up taking over while they watch forlornly from a corner. Not today. Today I am letting him paint his own planets whatever color he wants. He is following the guide, more or less. So the colors are close...we forgot to get yellow so the sun is more of a peachy orange but WHATEVER! He is making a terrible mess. Styrofoam balls tend to shred tiny bits of themselves whenever you touch them so that's everywhere. Also it's amazing how much paint a 1 inch styrofoam ball can absorb. BUT he is doing it himself and having a blast. AND talking about each planet as he paints it! AWESOME! Tomorrow he may not be as enthusiastic when he finds out about vocabulary and math, but for today he is happily doing school work. And I'll take it!

Side note...my crocs I ordered FOREVER ago FINALLY came today! Now my feet are all toasty warm in my flannel and furry lined clogs and I will be toasty warm in my snow boots!
~namaste~
Jen